Demons and craft, Lake District photography trip report

It's been a good trip that has laid a few demons to rest. After burning out, even though I felt a desire to make photographs again, I wasn't actually sure if I could. Obviously I could release the shutter, but could I make photographs that I liked, that adequately captured a moment.

Someone once asked me "How do you have the courage to make your photographs?" I didn't really understand, it was just something I did. I understand now. There is something of myself in every one. It often takes great effort to get where I want, and there is the fear of failure that weather, light and lack of inspiration can bring.

This trip was typical, and different. I've battled through 80mph winds, spent nights in a soaking wet cold sleeping bag with the wind pushing the tent down on top of me. Awaking after the second night, having slept for 12 hours straight, even though that morning was cloudy and all the snow had melted, I knew I was right to have stayed and not accepted my parents offer to stay with them, safe and warm with real food and a fire. I feel so different about many things in life now.

More aware that life is totally chaotic and out of my control, but knowing that gives me courage and a certain decisiveness. I make a photograph of a tree and river that morning. In a way it is nothing special, but it is the first time in a long time that I had made a photograph for the sake of it, for the love of it.

New day indeed!

Later as I wandered up the lovely Easedale, I could feel the pull. I saw the spot, felt it instinctively even though I could see neither subject nor composition. I just knew it was there. Of course it was from the middle of the stream that was swollen with meltwater. Hey ho, cold feet. Tottering on a rock shivering and hungry for two hours with my tripod balanced on more greasy rocks threatening at any moment to slide into the raging stream or be blown there by the still high winds, the conditions were changing second by second so I had to hold the tripod safe all the time. Endless bubbling grey clouds sail by, occasionally showing blue above or directing a beam of golden sun onto the fells around me.

I can feel it inside me. See it in my minds eye. The moment. Waiting, waiting. Walkers go by. The photographer in the torrent, balanced heron like, becomes the photograph.

Two hours go by. A chink in the grey. Enough. It floods the valley. Release. Moment passed. Sweet joy.

I waited above the Langdales the next morning. Light comes dancing across the landscape. Glorious, I am lost in the moment. I feel it the most as I descent to return home. That sweet elation. The singleness of mind with the land. I smile at the stream of walkers heading up. They smell so clean. I can differentiate different brands of soap. I however am rank with days of sweat and toil. They smile back.

And so a handful of photographs that pleases me. They might sell, they might not. I don't rightly care at this moment.

They are not without issues. Tripod leg in the frame - tick! Can't remember how to make a fine print - tick! Shooting into 50-60mph winds giving soft images and making redundant any notion that a 40MP medium format digital back/camera is worth it - tick! Remembering that often the final composition comes with light, cloud and conditions - tick! Remembering that the 'frame' (or border) of an image is often critical - tick!

I'm loving the Nikon PC-E lenses. Even their limited movements are so useful and add endless creative options. I thought that it would just be tilt/swing that would be of use, but it turns out that a bit of rise or fall to correct for perspective is equally useful for balancing wide angle compositions. However, composition is significantly more complex, more to learn, I guess it just means my pre-visualisation needs to improve. And my focussing skills, thank heavens for LiveView. I modified the 24mm lens myself to align rise/fall and tilt. Was a bit scary messing with a £1400 lens, but I couldn't be bothered to wait two or three weeks for Nikon service. Hope I don't need to make a warranty claim. Full instructions here if you feel brave enough to modify your own Nikon PC-E lenses. 

A friend retweeted the other day "If you're not doing what you love, you're wasting your life." (@matthilldesign). I can see the truth in that. I'm sure I will waiver at times, putting food on the table has a certain motivation too, but I feel a clearer path in front of me now. A few more demons have been clubbed over the head, with a dSLR.

Anyway, enough blather. My recent work gallery is now updated. Enjoy.